Tuesday, February 24, 2009

LOST

Ok, no I;m not blogging about the TV show, that I've grown to love since Bart got me the first season for Valentines Day, (although, how about that Sawyer?) ok, ok, so I found my converter for my pictures and the next day we had new carpet put in my room and then I lost my camera!!! I was so bugged. Anyhow, i found it today in the car, which I really haven't been in a whole lot lately. So I'm off right now to "Pinewood Derby" where I will take pictures and then promise to blog about my ever exciting life later tonight or tomorrow including pictures..and there are some good ones!! So stay tuned and don't lose faith in me my fellow bloggers!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Lazy Bum...

SO I just took some fun pictures of myself to show you, the world just how attractive I am right now (I no longer have any pride left) but my dang picture transferrer thingy -I know there is a name for it, is all the way upstairs and I just came down from there! And I am not going back up so you'll just have to wait for my fun stories and pictures until tomorrow.. 

I can however, share an embarrassing moment I had recently...actually I will save it until next time.. I will report all is getting better here in the Van home. We had the flu this week, 2 different kids, I've been sick, we had new carpet laid in my family room and my bedroom to match the rest of the house..and it doesn't. they brought the wrong carpet, so now they are coming back next week to redo it, in the mean time my house is a bit in disarray. But nothing I can't handle right? Then next week I will go in for my appointment to see if things have progressed or not, if not, I can stop taking medicine and kinda go back to normal activities, but will still have to keep this boy in for another 2 weeks..Not sure if I can handle that one. But trooper that I am...I will give it my best shot. 
I know my kids will keep me in check, because Coco keeps freaking out if I'm not taking it easy and reminds me that "If your not careful your going to have this baby in like 2 days and it will be stuck in your pant leg".... What a dreadful thought to have a baby stuck in my pant leg or worse to not only have the baby stuck in my pant leg, but to be stuck wearing these sweats forever.. Which is another story for tomorrow...complete with pictures. Don't worry there are no stuck babies involved..Totally rated "E" for "everyone. So coco is protective but yet a couple weeks ago, when we were at my inlaws we were talking (the girls) about trying to exercise at home with kids and how it's darn near impossible when there little. And coco looked at me with the most annoyed look on her face and said "mom, you don't exercise, you just....lump."  What the heck??? I don't always just "lump" , well yes as of lately I guess I do "lump" but there was a time when I exercised and I'll get back into it I promise, I am going to be in my sisters wedding in MAY for heavens sake!! No "lumps" allowed!!!  And by the way coco, your the one always telling me "oh your buns are so cute and the chubbier they get the cuter they are!!"  Not something most people would brag about, but still I though you liked me "lumpy"?

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

CASE CLOSED PART 2 "OUR SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS"

  
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Ok, so we had an unexpected twist since our last episode, that I might as well share with you as much as I don't want to.  So we last left off with the cursing of the stupid cat who possibly took Bert's glasses, and was now prancing around the female felines feeling like his I.Q. was now magically higher then it really is, kinda like when I go from blonde to brown hair...

Sunday came and went and it was now evening in the "Sam" home. The Cardinals lost the Super Bowl at the last minuet or so, and it didn't really effect the family, they didn't watch it but had updates texted to them from time to time. And since Bert didn't have his glasses anyway, it wouldn't have mattered much if they did watch it, he wouldn't be able to see it. 
Bert had been super helpful Sunday evening getting the house in order so that Brandi could start her week off right ( but a good stiff drink would have probably done the trick too and would of saved Bert some time).....Ok, Brandi doesn't drink and never has except that one time she took a sip from her dads beer, but that's another story....She doesn't want to talk about it.
Sooooo, Brandi's Visiting teacher had stopped by and dropped off a beautiful lemon meringue pie for dessert. And since that diet doesn't start until after her baby is born, she welcomed it with Open Arms...And it was good. Perfectly sweet and yet tart.
"Kids time to get Jammies on" Bert yelled to the kids upstairs, "then you can have some pie" he continued.  "I can't wait to get kids in bed" Brandi thought to herself. It had been a long day, and she was looking forward to a quiet night, maybe a bath, watch a movie, a good book, anything to relax. The kids were quick to obey due to the "pie factor" and Brandi could hear Bert dishing up orders for the kids...he was so patient with them, and Brandi loved him a lot at that moment. "Here you go Lynnard" Bert said as he handed her some pie in bed. Lynnard was her "pet name" if you could call it that. She was rarely called "Brandi" by Bert unless Bert had something serious to talk about or if his mood was a little on the "cloudy" side,  to which she was then usually cautious in approaching to him because she knew she was in trouble. But he called her "Lynnard" so all was well. "Thanks honey" she said, she had been typing away furiously at her laptop, writing some kind of story he could see, but he didn't dare break her concentration further, he could only see something about "Mystery Theatre"...
The kids had finished eating and bounded into Brandi's room where the routine of brushing and flossing began. One by one the kids brushed and then one by one the lined up for dad to rebrush the spots they missed. (Except for Minnie who ate mom's pie on the sly) They were good sports and used to this routine, they just backed up into dad who sat on the edge of the tub and threw back their heads and opened wide for their dental inspection. Bert liked to pretend he was a dentist but really he was a "Food Processor Mechanic" which to him translated into "dentist" and sounded more professional, the kids thought it was funny and Brandi didn't really care what career he had as long as he was happy doing it. And he was.
The kids passed inspection and gathered on mom's bed to say family prayer. After a moment of playing, " No, it's your turn" dad decided to end the game and say it. Minnie their youngest still had the "wiggles" on occasion, and still thought there was plenty of room on mom's lap for her to sit, which made Brandi feel good mentally, but physically was a whole different story. But luckily dad's prayers are short which explains why he always says "couples prayer", because whenever Brandi say's it it's followed by the same predictable comment each time from Bert, "wow, I could of said all that in like 1 min instead of 10." " I obviously have more to be thankful for", was the only come back she could ever think of. And on occasion when he was especially sassy she would bring up the whole "reading scriptures on their wedding night because someone was nervous and trying to be spiritual and kill time" incident. This topic usually quieted him down.... So with prayers done the last major haul of the night was getting the kids upstairs and into bed....And then of course coaxing Minnie to stay in bed... 
The house was silent and Bert had company over for some well needed business chatting that couldn't wait until Monday. Which was fine, that meant Brandi could have her pick of the movie to watch. She carefully chose her movie and got all comfy in her sweats that she hadn't actually changed out of for 2 weeks now, -she doesn't want to talk about that either. Got her water, kleenex, meds, nasal spray (she was a mess actually, not really a picture of health) and was ready to relax and watch "The Devil Wears Prada"  As she laid in bed watching all the models look so glamourous and actually having a place where the had to be and had to dress up so nice she pictured herself in the "big Apple" Running down the crowded streets because she was late for a meeting or a "Shoot", she didn't get  very far because she tripped in her stilettos due to a knock at the door and the scream of "mommy" from the other side and that quickly shook her from her day dream and brought her back to "earth" real fast. The door Burst open and in broken semi understandable english, Minnie was talking a mile a minuet with the biggest smile on her face arms flying. Brandi had to say "what? " several times to try to decipher out the message from this foreign sounding little munchkin of a girl. Well, turns out Minnie had found dad's glasses. Brandi turned to the porch where Bart was sitting chatting with his friend and he pointed to his glasses. She then turned to Minnie who was just beaming and was so proud of her discovery, she knew she had done good. Brandi hugged and kissed Minnie and Minnie explained that dad had left them in her room when they had snuggled that night before. "Of Course" thought Brandi, "he fell asleep out side then bolted in the house to take care of Minnie and slept upstairs with her for a bit before coming to bed." The pieces had all come together. SHe kissed Minnie and told her what a great job she did, especially since she didn't even realize that Minnie was aware of the missing glasses, which in turn made her realize that Minnie picked up on more then Brandi thought, which made Brandi quickly evaluate herself and wonder ...what other things Minnie knew...She couldn't think about that now, her thoughts were on the return of the glasses and as happy as she was that she wasn't going to have to fork over money to again buy another pair of glasses that had disappeared unnecessarily (2 pairs at Lake Powell, 2 or 3 at Saguaro Lake due to over excitement and just jumping in the water without a thought) Brandi had to admit that she was bummed that her "Cat" theory had just gone to pot. She really wanted another reason to hate those dang cats, as if using their yard and garage for their own kitty litter box and mating ground and fighting arena weren't enough. And one did run into her house the other day when one of the kids left the front door open but luckily "Zoe" her second oldest grabbed the cat before it made it's way upstairs, it still was a bitter disappointment that she knew deep down she would have "to kinda" repent for. No, she wasn't going to approach "catman" about her theory on the glasses and apologize, she would simply try to hate the stupid cats a little less, and possibly quit plotting to get rid of them...Those dad gum cats....

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Mystery Theatre Presents....Our Series Of Unfortunate Events.

Tonight's story is rated PG for some thematic elements and a touch of "too much information" and the use of the word...."stupid"

This story is based on a series of Actual Events. Some events may be dramatized for dramatic effect. The names have been changed to protect the innocent....But it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's just us....Now I just spoiled it...darn.

Evening was upon the "Sam Family". It had been a long day. Bert, the father and head of household, or so he thought, had been busy all day doing "honey Do's" for his extremely cute, and sweet, bedridden wife, Brandi. You see she was on bed rest, and due to have the couples' 4th child soon. And though she so badly wanted to run all of Bert's errands with him (Home Depot, Lowes, The Office to build shelves) She was unable to and was home, going on 2 weeks now and getting a little stir crazy. "Honey" Bert began, "you know what I want to do with you tonight" "Oy, vay" she thought "I"m really not in the mood" She raised her eyebrows and humored him anyway. "What would you like to do with me tonight?" He suddenly realized how his question sounded. Looking a little sheepish he quickly explained his plan. "I would like to make a fire in the fire pit outside, put the big fluffy chair out there for you and get some blankets.." "And star bucks? " Brandi chimed in. "And some star bucks and just snuggle and talk by the fire" "that sounds so nice Bert, so it's like a date?" "Yep, when the kids fall asleep we'll get started so they don't interrupt us." 
Brandi was excited to get some well needed fresh air, and it wasn't too nippy outside after all, it was January in Arizona. "dang Cough" Brandi wheezed between breaths. She had had this cough since Nov, and despite the narcotics given to her from her Dr., it was getting worse and she had to face the facts that she had a full on cold stuffy nose and all. She could hardly catch her breath and her stomach was getting so sore due to the tightening of the muscles, surely the baby could feel the impact of the cough, she only hoped that at least the coughs were strengthening her abs..
The major down side of the cough was a bit embarrassing to her. You see she had only 5 pairs of maternity "passion Killers" as her husband so lovingly had called them. And with every cough she regretted not writing "depends" down on her grocery list for her husband. Well, this was it "shoot, I am all out of underware!!, they are in the wash and I am not going "loosey goosey" she fumed to herself." Well, a girls gotta do what a desperate girls' gotta do" She went to her closet and crossed over to the dark side...Berts' side. And though no one was around, because Bert had gone to get refreshments, she still checked over her shoulder feeling like she was about to steal the great "baseball diamond". "well it's better then nothing" she mumbled as she struggled to pull up the awkward underware. They were comfy under her belly but the crouch felt all wrong, and she suddenly wondered if Bert had ever run into a predicament like running out of underware, would he help himself to a pair of her's? The thought made her laugh and then concerned "hopefully he wouldn't ever fit in my underware...." So now at least she didn't feel like a hussie and was ready for her date. Except her coughing returned..."Man! what am I gonna do!" SHe then had a brillant idea. She headed for the cleaning supply closet where she kept her broom, mop etc.. She looked to the right and saw her handy dandy "Swiffer" she then skimmed the room for the box she was looking for. "Score" she shouted. A box of maxi pads just waiting to fulfill their purpose in life. Now Brandi had a different purpose in mind for them in the past. She had saved these "pads" to be used for her "swiffer" when she ran out of her "swiffer pads". She thought this was a great non- wasteful idea as long as company did'nt stop by during the use of the make shift swiffer pads. Now, obviously Brandi was not gearing up to mop her floors at this moment, she had yet another plan for these pads, and wasn't sure exactly how her husband would feel knowing a maxi pad had defiled his underware. But she had no choice, she must use the pad or continue changing underware the rest of the night. BEcause her cough was just not going away.
Bert returned. "I got you dark hot chocolate and icecream they were having a sale on Ben and Jerry's what kind do you want?" Brandi was feeling sorry for him, and felt as if she was deceiving him with his own underware. No, she didn't tell him her secret, but she did let him pick out the ice cream to share. As they got settled the glow of the fire was hypnotic. And few words were exchanged. Brandi's thoughts often returning to her underware. They had small talk, discussed what kinds of landscaping they would like to do, comments on the weather etc.. As time passed on Bert wouldn't admit that he was chilly, but he did want to sit next to his sweetheart in the "chair and a half" that he so sweetly pulled from the family room for Brandi. The only problem was she was the size of a "chair and a half" but somehow they managed. They cuddled under a blanket while Bert rubbed Brandi's tummy, maybe for good luck who knows, all she knew was that she was warm, but getting uncomfortable but didn't want to say anything. She couldn't stand it any longer, and the fire was dying down, so she proposed they go to bed. "You go ahead, Brandi, I'm going to stay a little longer until the fire goes out" Bert said. "Bert, you will fall asleep out here and stay all night and then "catmans'" cats will come sleep with you on my chair ewe." (this "catman" was their neighbor who thinks his lot in life is to provide food and shelter on his front porch for cats of all unfortunate circumstances, only they didn't just stay on his porch...don't get Brandi started it's a sore subject) "no, I'll come in in just a bit ok?" "Ok" she replies knowing indeed it will be at least an hour before he drags himself into bed. Well as predicted an hour later she hears crying. No, not from Bert, but from the Youngest of their children, "minnie" she can hear her coming down the stairs and wailing. Bert hears her too and just like in a football game, he intercepts her at Brandi's door. It sounds like he takes her upstairs and potty and then lays down with her for a bit. Brandi quickly falls back asleep grateful for the opportunity to go back to bed.
Morning comes and Bert is laying beside Brandi, as is Minnie "What the?" Brandi thinks. "How did she get here" Brandi is too tired to remember and goes out to the couch it's 6:30 anyways soon everyone will be up. And they are. The hustle and bustle of Sunday morning begins. Bert is just about to leave for the beginnings of endless meetings when he asks Brandi "have you seen my glasses?" She is used to this question, along with "have you see my...phone, wallet, keys, head and so fourth." "No, did you leave them outside last night? I see my chair is still out there?" "No, I checked" he replies. He is now running all over the house and Brandi is waddling trying to help. She goes outside to "double check" and is horrified as to what she finds..."Bert!!!, there is maingy, cat hair all over my fluffy chair!!!!" "Yeah, I saw that." He confesses. Brandi is disgusted and is dry heaving. "who knows what else that cat did on here!!" She is bugged but continues to search for "fat heads' glasses. Re tracing their steps of the night before, Brandi comes to one conclusion, or allegation if you want to call it. The cat stole the glasses...
But what motives would a stray yellow cat have for stealing a man's glasses. Surely the glasses won't fit the cat. Was the cat on a secret mission from "Cat Man" to steal Bert's glasses? Did he think they had special powers, maybe he thought the were X-ray glasses? Who knows. All we know is that there is a cat out there who is seeing the world thru new eyes, and there is a man out there who also is seeing the world thru new eyes and hopefully those eyes get him to church safely because he can't see distance for anything... Stupid cats.